One of the best ways to feel better (in general) is to talk to a person who you trust. We humans have a strong need to tell someone else about our day, our life, our concerns, and our dreams. Someone once said that "no man (or woman) is an island". Essentially, this is true. Affiliation is a primary need for Homo Sapiens. Make believe you have just washed up on the shore of a strange, seemingly deserted island. What is the first thing that you would do? You would want to find another of your own kind. Your first concern is to connect with another human being. Survival tactics, like food, shelter, clothing, or weather conditions would all be secondary concerns; you would seek a companion if it were possible. This situation illustrates the importance that we attach to others. And, the first thing that you would do with another person – should you find him or her – is to communicate by talking.

When we come home from our daily work and we share our day with an interested listener, we always feel better. Sharing seems to enhance the high points of the day and it seems to assuage the low points. Discussing a problem that we encountered at work with a trusted friend or family member has the effect of rendering the problem more manageable.  Two heads are better than one and two people can think of more ways to work the problem to solution than only one person. In addition, by telling your friend or family member about your concern means that you are working on the problem as you speak it. Many times a problem, just in the telling, can lead to a solution. Oddly, if you spoke into a mirror you could probably solve some of the more trivial incidents of the day. Another trusted person, however, is much better for this purpose. A joke that you enjoyed becomes much more entertaining when it is shared with others. We all seek to share our good times and moments with those with whom we care about. Without that other person it is like getting all dressed up for an evening of fun with no place to go. We need that other person.

In some circumstances, like a person threatening suicide, talking can (sometimes) help bring the person back to his or her sanity. In the extreme, a person can get so isolated from his or her support system of people that they consider dying as a reasonable alternative to staying in a life without someone who cares about them. Talking, on a daily basis between trusted, caring people, is absolutely essential for our mental health and well being. It should be noted that trivial gossip, non-listening, careless people are more hurtful than helpful. When we have some interesting (to us) things to share, we need someone else to listen. An uncaring listener is no listener at all. Worse is a person who gives off the idea (verbally, by gesture, like yawning, or interruption) that they would rather not hear what we are saying. Rude people like this are telegraphing (by their actions) that they consider us as not worthy of their time. There is little in life that is more potentially devastating than a person who says that they care but then sends many signals to indicate that they couldn’t be bothered with listening. We should never confide in such people; they will ruin our lives.

It is best to be an active listener. That is, in addition to looking at the person who is talking, we need to let the person know that we are interested in what they are saying because we care about them. We show caring by adding in a comment here and there during the conversation, by nodding at appropriate times, and by asking a question now and then to clarify a vague idea. We might add an anecdote of our own to support the ideas brought out by the other person, but consideration should be shown so that we don’t turn the conversation away from the sharing person. After all, we are the listener; we need to listen intently to allow the sharing person to finish their ideas. Finally, if we cultivate a few friends (and/or family) who can listen, we will have many outlets to share our thoughts; and remember to return the listening when it is their turn to talk and to share their lives.