There are whole publications dedicated to people who have just married. Mostly these publications are looking to sell you something; they probably don’t care if you stay married or not. Other publications and TV shows on the subject are focused on telling the participants, the husband or wife, how to become suspicious of their partner. These types of gossip mongering publications and shows serve only to hurt the newly formed relationship. So, the best advice for newly weds is to stop reading the trash magazines and stop looking at the trash TV shows; you will be much better off without them in your lives. The other place that most people (newly weds) get bombarded with advice is their families. The brides go to the mothers and the husbands go to the fathers. Unfortunately, most seekers of advice from family center around something that is misunderstood or something that is perceived as wrong with their partner. The advice, then, becomes centered around teaching the seeker about how to figuratively disembowel their partner. So, the second bit of good advice is to stay away from the "good intentions" of family. Following are suggestions for newly weds that have roots in building a good relationship, one that can stand the test of time, and can be a marriage of which both people can be proud.
1. Get on the same page. Husband and wife are not two separate entities anymore; they are one entity. That’s the real reason to marry someone. It is a fact that men and women are created as different creatures. It seems that the Creator has divided up all the goodies into two different types of people. Then, He says, "Okay, y’all go out there and find your ideal mate, the one who possesses the things I didn’t put into you". If we can do this wisely, we are now married to our "other half" and we are now "whole" – one entity. So, both parties must understand that the partnership is the most important thing; others have absolutely no say in the day-to-day living of the newly weds.
2. Have a sit down. This is a serious and frank discussion about what each member of the team wants in the life ahead. Both parties must participate as openly as possible. These kinds of discussions (there can be more than one) can reveal lots of facts, goals, and dreams that may not have been apparent in the beginning. Really listen to the other person as they speak so that you can learn more about them. We listen, consider, digest, and seek each other’s counsel in an ongoing basis to help each other grow.
3. Grow. Grow as individuals and as a couple. There are only two things in life, growth and death. If you stop growing, you die – indisputable fact. We grow by our own goals and dreams but we have help. The person sitting across the breakfast table is (or should be) interested in helping us to grow to lofty heights, and then to exceed those heights. There are no limits to growing in life; we are never at a point where we can say that we have done it all and that there is no where else to go, no new mountain to climb, no new and exciting realm to explore. We have a growth partner to talk to, to hold hands with during the ascent, to share the joys and sorrows of life. This is why we marry someone, to always have an interested partner with which to share the things that matter to us. It can’t be faked. One look into your partner’s eyes will tell you what they are really feeling. Learn to trust yourself and to trust your partner in equal measure. If there is no trust, there is no marriage.
4. It’s a two way street. Learn to recognize that your partner feels similar to you in a like circumstance. If it is cold, then both feel the cold, if it is hot, then both feel the same way. In a successful marriage each partner thinks of the other first and themselves second. This situation only occurs in a few select instances where people must rely on each other for their very existence. How correct that this is the way a successful marriage works. In all other relationships a person takes care of themselves first – so that they can then turn their attention to others – but when you are that close to another person in marriage, by taking care of the other, you are taking care of yourself too. If both people feel and act this way, life is really good.
5. Everything else falls into place on its own. If you can achieve the first four suggestions, then everything else in life will fall into line. Should there be children? Should we have separate bank accounts? What religion should we follow, if any? What job careers should we attempt? When is bowling night? If you notice, none of these things has anything to do with the relationship between the two of you. All these things, and a thousand more silly questions, are outside of the union of the partners. They handle each little question in turn, as they arise, together.
6. Easy? Did I say it was easy? Sometimes yes and sometimes no. But the joys outnumber the sorrows if you both know how to recognize the joys. When times get tough remember that you have help across the breakfast table. Life is not so much easy as it is fun. Enjoy.