When we engage in communication with another person there are many elements operating. Talking, language, context, subject matter, noise levels, and body language are but a few of the many parts of conversation. Body language is an interesting element because we all do it constantly, and it is easy to discern another’s intent by understanding what their body language is telling us. In direct terms, body language is the way we position our body when conversing with someone else. Everything is important. Every limb, each finger, expression, and nod of our head tells the other person much about our point of view. Imagine that you are speaking on the telephone to someone, and you realize that you can’t see their body movement. You are missing out on information; on clarity of communication. Below are some of the elements of body language and what they might mean.
1) Pressing your fingers together or stroking your chin can mean that you are deeply considering a point of view; you are thinking. In reality, if you are doing these things to impress the other person, it will come across as phony; the other person may become confused as to your intent. Likewise, smoking a pipe during conversation, besides being rude, will mark you as conceited.
2) Talking too slowly, at a slower pace than is normal for you, can indicate that you are lying. Think about listening to someone giving a speech, like a politician, who slows down passages in answer to a question. It will strike you that the person is making up the answer as he is speaking, trying to make up what he thinks will impress the listener. Speaking too fast, more than your normal pace, can signal that the speaker is trying to hide some facts or is nervous about that which he is speaking. In both these cases the speaker’s body will reflect his pace. You may see arms crossed or a lack of eye contact. Nervousness can be broadcast by tripping over words or by stuttering.
3) Locking one’s gaze with another person will cause discomfort. We may wonder why the person is staring at us and we lose concentration on what is being said. It is best to make eye contact, then break away every few seconds. This puts people more at ease and lets them concentrate on the subject matter. We learn best when we are comfortable; staring intently causes us to question the delivery of the message instead of the message itself.
4) Smiling has many meanings. Different people smile for many divergent reasons. Some are nervous, some happy, some see humor, but these smiles are distinctive, we can read the smile to determine intent. Throughout the world, smiling is the only universal body signal. It is easy to read once you know how and it tells us a lot about the speaker.
5) Leaning towards your speaker indicates that you are listening, or that you are interested, or both. Leaning away, or turning away from the speaker tells them that you are not interested in what they are saying.
6) Hand movements help emphasis what we say. Too much hand movement, or the wild movement of arms while speaking may distract, and therefore inhibit, communication. Let hand and arm movements occur naturally and in concert with your intention. However, it is a good rule of thumb to watch the listener while speaking. If he is looking at your hand or arm movements then he is not listening to what you are saying.
7) Mimic your subject matter with your body movements. A joke is best done with a lively smile and a few well chosen hand and arm movements. Your listener will tend to adopt your posture and mood and this will tell you that they are listening to you. When speaking about something of a serious nature, your facial expression should show your mood. This is a clear communication to the listener that the subject matter requires a serious posture.
8) Get all your signals operating in the same direction. If, for example, you smile while you are speaking about a serious situation, your listener will be confused as to your intent. They will think you are kidding, or lying. Once you get all the elements of your communication radiating the same message, your listener will perceive you and your message as genuine. They will trust you.