During the Christmas season family members usually get together more and there is more dialogue between family them. The Christmas season is also the time when stress levels are at a peak. At a time when people would expect that things would be best between family members tensions increase to the point that it is a wonder that folks speak to each other for the remainder of the year. Why is this? There are many reasons, of course, and each person in each family will present his or her own list. Overall, we will come to realize that stresses and strains come to a head during the "silly season" because of the closeness of the family members and, to a lesser extent, to past bumps and bruises, some of which are decades old. Are these things able to be worked out? Yes, but remember that each person is an entity unto him or her self and this, in addition to constantly changing circumstances, complicates an easy fix. Nonetheless, there are many things that we can attend to to make things better. Consider some of the things on the following list when tensions between family members gets out of hand and threatens to ruin another holiday.

1) Take the long view. Does holding a grudge over some small slight, probably decades old, make sense? At times, all of us say things that we don’t mean, or, we phrase things in a way that "didn’t come out right". If we take the long view of life, the inappropriate word or deed pales in its strength; it means almost nothing in the grand scheme of things. Maybe it’s wise to learn to forget such things so that healing can take place.

2) Context. Any gathering of people will introduce a plethora of different ideas, thoughts, and wishes. Try to keep everything in perspective. Try to take the view that everyone is trying to do their level best to be happy. When there is excitement in the air most people are swept up in that excitement and there are bound to be things done or said that will seem inappropriate. Something that is overheard, or repeated, outside of the intended context, may lead to bruised egos. Always ask for clarification in such instances, it may be that the explanation will make you feel much better.

3) Know your people. We all think we know our family members very well. In truth, they are probably not too well known at all. People change over time, especially when we don’t see them too often. Someone you knew as a child may mature into someone quite different. If you relate to them as you knew them years ago, your words and gestures may miss the mark and you may create something that you will later regret.

4) What is most important? Remember that life is finite; everyone is just passing through. Is it really that important to win an argument every time? Try to read the person that you are talking with to see what is important to them. If it will do no harm to let them have the upper hand, then let it go. Next time they will let you win.

5) Let memories, especially bad ones, fade. Start each holiday season afresh. Make believe that all these people are new to you and that you are meeting them for the first time today. Of course, you know their names but try treating them like guests instead of family. Assume the positive, forget anything that went on before. Remember that they are your family members. You only get one set of family, so, if you can, put forth your best effort in seeing everyone’s good side every time.